Walking the Dog

Me and Dave, walking the dog, every night.

ME: Come ON, Hawke. Do what you need to do, it’s hot out here.

HAWKE: I wish he’d quit pulling on my leash. There’s a lot to catch up on.

ME: He does this every time.

DAVE: I know. Sometimes when I walk him we barely get two feet before he stops again. There he goes.

HAWKE: Hmm. Smells like Hunter’s been through again.

DAVE: I think he can tell whenever another dog’s been here.

HAWKE: His parainfluenza’s getting worse. I hope his owner realizes before antibiotics are ineffectual.

DAVE: Stupid dog.

ME: Come on. Keep moving.

HAWKE: Ah, here we go. If they’ll just give me a few minutes to run some tests…

DAVE: Always at this rock. Why does he always stop at this one rock? It’s not like it ever changes!

ME: Well, other dogs have probably been here. It’s like he’s checking his Facebook.

HAWKE: Checking temperature after yesterday’s base test… Yes! After being allowed to equilibriate for 18 hours, the rock has accumulated enough solar energy to be useful as a heat collector. I estimate that with a constant airflow rate of 4.95 x 10–3 kg/s you could boil 12 litres of water from an initial temperature of 19.2 Celsius in about… carry the four…

DAVE: Leave the rock alone, boy, come on.

HAWKE: 53 minutes, depending on altitude. But you’d need a bed of rocks, properly insulated. If I could move another one over —

DAVE: Come on, numbnuts.

HAWKE: Fine, fine. Just let me reset the experiment…

DAVE: And he’s peeing on it.

ME: Gotta let other dogs know where he’s been, I guess.

HAWKE: Wait! Is that…?

ME: Dammit.

DAVE: They graded the road again. Now he’s gotta sniff every damn foot.

HAWKE: That’s a sliver of fossilized mastodon bone! There’s a chip taken out, clearly by a stone knife.

ME: The trainer said that letting them sniff around is important. It lets them get comfortable with their surroundings, set their boundaries.

HAWKE: Could be from a bifacial lithic item. Is quartzite native to this area?

DAVE: But does he have to sniff everything? What could be so fascinating about some overturned dirt?

HAWKE: I’d put this at least 14,000 years back. Definitely pre-Clovis. Oh, definitely pre-Clovis.

ME: It also stimulates their minds, helps keep them from getting too bored.

HAWKE: One more nail in the Bering Strait theory. Ha! I wonder if this predates the Page-Ladson site? Halligan’s going to freak out when she hears about this! I need to make notes, this could make my career…

DAVE: I know, it just gets annoying.

ME: Come on, boy.

HAWKE: No! Not yet!

ME: Man, he’s really pulling.

DAVE: Hawke, move! Come on!

ME: And he’s peeing again.

HAWKE: LEAVE ME ALONE! I HAVE TO PUBLISH!