No Requests

Elliott discovered, very quickly, that the piano hated rock.

Well, “hated” may not have been the right word. It refused to play it, or possibly wasn’t capable of it. All he knew was that when he tried picking out “Old Time Rock and Roll” on the ancient upright piano in the hotel lobby, nothing happened. Silence.

Ditto for “Thunder Road,” “Don’t Stop Believing,” “Under Pressure” or anything from Ben Folds Five.

The piano worked. He could play any note, clear as a bell. And it wasn’t the speed of the songs that was the problem. Liszt’s “Hungarian Rhapsody” — the song that first made the young Elliott want to learn piano, after watching Tom and Jerry use it to beat each other up in a cartoon — burst from under the cracked wood cabinet as fast as his fingers could move. A crowd formed, as it usually did; people waiting to check in or out wandering over to listen.

He even tried fooling it with ballads. “New York State of Mind” was completely silent. Not a note for “Tuesday’s Gone.” But it liked ragtime, and jazz. He poked at it. How did the piano know, when he played a Dm7, if he was going to play “As Time Goes By” (which worked) or “Piano Man” (which didn’t)? He inspected it all over, opening the various access hatches to peer inside at the hammers, strings, tuning pins and all the other pieces that combine to make beautiful music that delights the soul. Or, in this case, not to.

Finally an old man came over and identified himself as the hotel’s owner.

“Been here almost 70 years,” he said. “Started in the laundry room. Give it up, son, and walk away. That thing ain’t gonna listen.”

Elliott grabbed his sleeve. “What’s wrong with it? Why won’t it play anything after 1931?”

The old man sighed heavily. “Musicians pour their hearts and souls into their instruments, you know that. But do you know what happens if someone dies tragically while they’re playing? Do you have ANY idea what that DOES?”

“No! What?” asked Elliott, horrified.

“Not a damn thing. It’s mystical claptrap. Forget it. This piano?” He kicked it.

“It’s just a damn snob.”