Mail Order
Did you know you can get ANYTHING through the mail?
Really, anything! Stuff you wouldn’t even believe EXISTED!
The ads in the back of GoshWow Comics are just crammed full of scientific devices and toys and and and, just… everything!
I WANTED a pair of Real X-Ray Specs but I was afraid Mom would think I wanted to you, you know, look at girls and stuff. I wanted to look through walls, look through car hoods and see the engines move, stuff like that, but I figured better not to bring it up cuz she gets mad, you know.
My friend Jack sent away for Sea Monkeys. They grow REALLY fast! They don’t look anything like the Sea Monkeys in the ad but if you squint real hard you can kinda see faces. I got caught listening to one of the grown-up radio shows so I couldn’t go out till the bruises faded but he brought ’em over in a baggie full of water so I could look at ’em. Jack’s my best friend.
Jack’s family has money so he can order a lot of this stuff and he’ll even get me something sometimes, but I feel funny asking cuz I know Mom and Dad would yell. Once he got me a big box of plastic Army Men, hundreds of ’em for not even fifty cents, but I still didn’t dare take ’em home.
Instead I saved up. I took my lawn-mowing money and my babysitting money and I found bottles around the beach and turned ’em in, and I did chores for Mr. Pittleman down the block without telling anyone and I kept it all in a cigar box stashed in the woods. It took me almost a whole YEAR to get enough.
Then I had to wait four to six weeks. That was the roughest part, because I was bad two more times and I couldn’t get around very well.
But did you know the Atomo-Fist Metallo 2000 “Robot of the Future” is BIGGER THAN LIFE SIZE and runs by remote control? It can smash a hole RIGHT IN A DESOTO with ONE PUNCH! Even if the DeSoto is backing out of the driveway in a big hurry. It can even pick up and throw things, like big rocks or boxes or people.
Jack’s family let me move in after so he’s more like a brother now, but that’s OK. I have a new best friend. And Jack’s parents are REAL nice to me.
