HOW TO HEAR YOUR FRIENDS WHEN THE CLUB IS TOO DAMN LOUD

Photo by C. A. Bridges

That time at the bar when the band was rocking out and people were screaming and my friends and I were having this hilarious conversation? We were not, actually.

I mean, they might have been. I have no idea.

I’ve got some high-frequency hearing loss. Some things I hear extremely well. It doesn’t affect my enjoyment of music or movies or normal conversation.

But when I’m in a loud environment such as a busy restaurant or bar, I find it almost impossible to pick out individual voices. Even if you’re right next to me, when you’re talking I’m probably nodding and smiling and giving vague responses and it’s not because I’m a really good listener, it’s because I’m a really bad lip-reader because I CAN’T HEAR A WORD YOU’RE SAYING.

Turns out that people with normal hearing have the same problems in really loud places, especially if there’s a band. Loud music can cover the whole range of human hearing, from 20 Hz to 20 Mhz, and that overlaps everything else. Plus other people are talking, and they’re all trying to talk louder than everybody else. So what should you do? I SAID, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

1. Go somewhere else. Sounds obvious, but if you can’t hear each other and you want to, maybe don’t go where you can’t?
2. Wear earplugs. Especially if you’re where loud music is being played, especially especially if you’re going to be near the speakers. There are lots of earplugs designed to keep sound crystal clear but cut a few decibels off the roar to make it less painful. I like Etymotic’s, but try a few different ones because everyone’s ears are different. Or just buy a box of the cheap orange ones and keep ’em in your car. Not as good but better than nothing.
3. Close your ear. Block the opening with your finger (keep it outside, please) or push that little flap of skin in front of your earhole — which is called the tragus, and you’re welcome — until it blocks your ear. You’ll still be able to hear but it will help cut out some of the environmental noise around you.
4. Don’t shout. Raising your voice just means you’re competing with (and adding to) the noise, but your speaking voice will be in a lower frequency and easier for someone’s ear to identify.
5. Text. My partner and I will often text each other from inches away, just to carry on a conversation that isn’t shouty. Also, it’s a handy way to talk about people we’re sitting with.
6. Get closer. Yes, we are one of those annoying couples who sit on the same side of the booth when we eat out. Before you complain, just know that my partner and I have special dispensation from the highest court we recognize.

7. Use technology. Trying to order from a server or bartender and you can’t hear them or yourself in the din? I highly recommend phones apps that make huge text, such as Make It Big or Just Big Text for iOS or any of a zillion apps for Android. Way easier to order your bizarre drink concoction by just holding up a screen.

8. Learn sign language. I have not done this yet, but it makes a great deal of sense. Not only could we communicate under any sound conditions, learning American Sign Language would be very helpful in lots of situations. There are all sorts of free tutorials on YouTube, at handspeak.com and lifeprint.com, and there are several free ASL apps for iOS and Android.

I favor #1, personally, but I also like live music and it’s impractical and costly to hire bands to come to the house, so until that’s an option for me I’ll make do.

How do you make yourself heard? Let me know in the comments.